friends are sometimes daughters and sometimes fathers and sometimes existence is enough

i’ve only been around
you and
your sons
a middling amount.
it has
always struck me;
how wonderfully you
treat them.

i think a lot
about patterns
and habits.
and how for some
(many? most?)
we barely survive
our childhoods.
and then have to
unlearn so much
of the patterning
that we utilized in order
to survive.
and i wonder at how
aware we can become,
those of us who were
patterned with more
chronic negativity and
violence, to stop
these habits, and
not inflict them
on others, not pass
them on.

i’ve been opposed
to children of my own
for much of my life,
as i remain unconvinced
that i am able to keep
from repeating some
(or all) of the damaging
behaviors i
experienced, when i was
growing up.

changing our patterns is
hard work, but it is
possible. it takes
practice, it requires
we all have
different capacity
to do this work.
some of us will
try, and some will
not. but
this is not a reflection
of value or worth,
no, it only gives
light to the shadows
of our individual capacity.
and this allows us choice;
to believe in ourselves,
to gently believe
that all those we perceive as
so separate from us,
they are doing their best,
working to their limits.
sometimes we expand,
other times, contract.
the heart does just the same.

thank you for being
an example of kindness.
you are good
to your sons.
in turn
is a goodness
to all.

Published by Zak

an intertidal island in an ocean of impermanence.

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