cannabidiol helps me sleep but nocturnal turns me wooden and wakes me heart-stiff

sitting in morning
attempt, i meditate
on the sound of heater.
i focus on
the buzzing hum,
a breath caught
between
throat and mouth.
a place that brings
no pain.

i meditate on
the feeling of my body
on the ground.
difficulty
of crossing my legs,
pressure
builds to pain
in ankle bone
and knee.
hip flexor and
pelvic girdle.
i am
aware of pain,
less so of
its location. the mind
creates pain and
perceives it.
meaning; pain
is both internal and
external.
of us and
separate.

in pain, my mind
encourages my body,
shift position!
alleviate the pressure
on ankle!
take your mind from
the photo of your ex-girlfriend’s
fat orange cat,
already so soon
on the lap of another man.
take your legs and
uncross them.
take your temper and
uncross it.
take your pain in
your hands.
close your hands.
hold on to
your creation, then
let it go.

and where does it go?

today, it went
to a northern suburb
on the fringe of Chicago.
a warm Spring day
in the backseat
of the family Chevy.

my mother
driving, maybe. perhaps
my father.
though this memory does
not contain
the menace of his weight.

soft, this
memory, so it must
be piloted by mother,
this Chevy.
and a near-north suburb,
just across the city line,
where the buzz of violence
calms itself
to a hum. living
in the space between
throat and mouth.
before being
swallowed, just
after being
consumed.
the pause between
teeth and entombment.

i am unaware, as i practice
at awareness,
as to why in my mind’s attempts
at escape
from pain, it goes
to this memory.

a near-north suburb,
just over the Chicago city line.
a warm Spring day
in a softly piloted Chevrolet.

a business district with
wide avenues and
broad backed trees.
sunlight finding room
between leaves and
buildings,
to alight warmly upon
my ruddy skin.

its presence,
an absence, as it does
not linger long enough
to burn.

Published by Zak

an intertidal island in an ocean of impermanence.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: