midday on the steppes of anhedonia

the good headphones,
one of them,
fell from my ear,
into the water,
while stepping
from dock
to boat.
i bought them when
i thought i could
afford them.
the money dried up
and they were replaced
with cheap versions,
cheap headphones
that don’t connect reliably
to the music source.
the music cuts
in and out,
an unwanted staccato.

my heart beats
as it has always done,
the music in my ears
cuts in and out.

the mind hums
as it always does.

i’ve never been much
for a hammock.
have only been in one
a handful of times.
i suppose i might rather
a porch with shade.
a cushioned seat
that allows for sitting
and reclining.
a warm day without
too much sweat.
bugs that chirp
and buzz but
do not bite.
a wind that wraps itself
around me.

it can be hard
to feel safe to hug.
safe to touch

i understand why
some people
are always afraid
of things that seem
i understand why
fear leads to
pain, leads
to anger, leads to

i understand that
to understand
can just bring about
more suffering.

the trees at night
are no more
or less
than when the sun
is in full flame.
the grasses
in that hugging wind
and riffle
while rooted
in place.

i am unsure
if i am trying
to write myself
into existence,
out of it.

pale green leaves, wrapped in a gauze of fine white fuzz, begin to unfurl from a sheath of ruby red.

Published by Zak

an intertidal island in an ocean of impermanence.

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