since putting new toner in the old printer its printing squeal sounds different

when you’re
non-sober
you think about
being sober.
you work at
being sober.
you center your life around
being sober.
when you get to
that person,
that sober person
you’ve thought
so much about,
you are then
sober.
you think a lot about
being sober.
you center your life around
being sober.
it’s hard work
being sober.
it feels good
being sober.
the planet spins and
time keeps unspooling.
you are no longer
a sober person.
you’re a person.
you still think about it but
it has lost its shine.
the novelty
has gone.

people are
perhaps not so
pathologically
self-interested
as much as
pathologically
terrified.
some people.
i should say
some people.
you reach out to
people and
don’t hear back.
you ask
“how’s it going?”.
you say
“if you come
to visit
this town
where i live,
i can
probably
find you
free housing”.
you share things that
you think
might be of
mutual interest.
if you’re feeling
very bold,
you share
something
that is of interest
primarily
to you.
you don’t hear back.
but it isn’t
self-interest
that compels
some people
to only
reach out,
to only
respond,
when they are
in need of
something
from you,
no,
it is fear.

when you are
not
in the type of
physical shape
you wish to
be in,
you think
a lot about
being
in better
physical shape.
you look at
clothes,
wistfully,
that will not
contain you.
you think about
hiking
or running.
you obsess
over food.
what happens?
well
the planet
continues
to spin.
the time
keeps doing
what time
does.
and
sometimes,
you change shape.
you are enthralled
with your body.
you look at it
in the mirror.
you rub your hands
over your
flattened stomach.
you dress your
enthralling body
up in all sorts of
different costumes.
you make some
risky choices, some
mistakes.
you learn
what costumes
your body finds
most appealing.
and with more
spinning, more
unspooling,
the shine
wears off.
the novelty
of your costumes
becomes
routine.

you have
many clothes
that you like
but no where
to wear them.
you have
many thoughts
and ideas
that you feel are
important
and interesting
but no one
to share them with.

this morning,
you can see the
weakened Winter sun,
it is still clear,
but the clouds
are mounting their return.
soon,
it will be
again gray.
this morning,
in the weakened
Winter sun,
you are
walking.
going to
an empty place
that you have
little interest
in occupying.
the sun’s shine
is slanted
on the mountains
in front of you.
they look
so magnificent
that you can
hardly believe
they are real.
the evergreen trees
soar up
the mountain sides.
where there are
no trees,
jutting rock
covered
in snow.
the light is
slanted
and weak.
the sun’s shine
is not so warm
but has lost
none of its luster.
it all looks so
stunning,
it’s hard to believe
any of it
is real.

it’s hard
to comprehend
that you are
here.
surrounded,
inside
and out,
with perfection.

a small sprouting of new leaves gently begins to unfurl, against a paper brown stalk.

Published by Zak

an intertidal island in an ocean of impermanence.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: