ya it really is
all mostly
a nightmare
though
isn’t it.
the popular
ones or
the successful
ones, they
use their channels
to show the
popularity, to
show the
success.
it’s a lot of
feigned surprise,
a lot of
cute and
coy, a
lot of planned
unplanned-ness.
it’s a lot of
trying
very hard
to make it look
like anything
but trying
very hard.
running
the business
is a
nightmare.
another
day alone
in the shop.
turn the heat
down,
turn the heat
off,
remember
to wear layers.
nightmares
are sometimes
hot,
waking clammy
and thick,
damp.
clotted.
nightmares
are sometimes
cold,
ya,
turn the heat
off,
no one
comes in and
heat costs
money.
remember
to wear layers.
don’t forget to
show a lot of ass
on your channels,
that’s what we do
now.
don’t forget to
make your effort
look effortless,
your searing,
preening,
keening need,
make it seem like
indifference.
most people
can’t really tell,
don’t worry.
it’s mostly a
nightmare,
isn’t it,
not running
the business.
showing up
on time.
doing
tasks.
dusting things
that do not hold
dust.
pretending,
all the time
pretending.
humans love to
dance,
you see,
even when we
don’t think we are
dancing.
boss comes
in,
make sure to
dance.
customer comes
in,
make sure to
dance.
co-worker comes
in,
make sure to
dance.
no one comes
in,
you are
alone, hauling
wood or
shuffling items on a
glass shelf,
there’s time now
and
no one
is looking
at you.
what else to do but
dance, slow
and languid, with
yourself.
what else to do but
move
in your layers.
nothing
to dust,
except
you.
make it look
effortless.
act surprised when
what you have been
obsessed with
achieving, is
achieved.
show
a lot of
ass.
don’t worry,
most people
won’t notice.
not with all the
dust and the
dancing.
it’s mostly a
nightmare,
isn’t it.
isn’t it.
isn’t it.
if you stop
thinking
you can
sometimes
hear a bird.
sometimes
more than
one.
do birds
sing
in a
nightmare?
i took
too many
hallucinogenic
mushrooms
and was with
a friend
who had not
and the trees
began to move
unnaturally,
as though in a
nightmare.
i was
gripped
by the
terror of
unnatural motion
and pleaded
with this
friend
to take me
somewhere
else,
to take me to
the other
friend,
the one who
fed me
calm
in the form of a
white paper plate
and a
handmade burrito.
i could not
fathom to
eat the burrito,
but the
friend
did not mind.
“here”,
he said,
“we’ll set it on
the dresser,
over here”
he said.
me,
staring at
the floor,
moving unnaturally,
“it will be here
for you
when you
want it.
if you
want it.”
i could hear
a bird
singing,
as i sat
in the backseat
of his car,
being driven
back
to my teenage home.
i could see
the trees
moving
in the gray,
swept
by wind
and by
rain.
nightmares
come again,
not so long
after
serenity.
it’s mostly
nightmare
isn’t it.
and
it’s mostly
dream.
and
it’s all there
is,
isn’t it,
until there
isn’t.
you don’t need
anything elaborate
to dance;
the breath
is enough.
a single bird,
squawking,
chirping,
singing,
is enough.
you don’t even
need
to move.
don’t even
need
to try.
zakschafer.com 