“you should get one. it’s a great place for those kind of self-oriented musings.”

still i struggle
with believing other people
are real.

i went running
this morning
and that wasn’t so
fun but i felt
good most of the
day afterwards and
this feels important
to me.
feels important
to other

but it is not.

still i struggle
with recognizing;
things that are
to me are
very often barely
discernible to

today i told
a friend,
“i enjoy looking at
the surrounding mountains;
they look so big, but
really they aren’t.
sometimes I feel
by their weight,
or maybe it’s my
that causes me to feel
other times it is this
very smallness
that allows me to revel
in all this space.
i still take solace
in knowing
there are so many
jobs and towns I can
disappear into.
so much of myself
still left
to discover.”

he told me i
should get a
he told me
that sort of
self-reflective thinking
is better left unsaid
to others.
he told me that
he existed by
responding to me.
yet here i am,
still struggling
with whether or
not he exists.
or me, maybe
it’s me, maybe
i’m a collaborator
in this un-existence.

the day is nearly
done and
still i feel mostly
the run from
this morning
has not worn off.
this feels important
to me.
soon i will walk
from where i am
to a place i am not
on this walk,
i will likely see
the surrounding mountains,
though maybe
the clouds will have
moved in and
i won’t be able to see
them. still, i
think of them
still, still
behind their cloud.
still with their backdrop
of spinning blue unknowingness.
still, not
minding at all
if i struggle
with belief
of their existence.

Published by Zak

an intertidal island in an ocean of impermanence.

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