i talk to my friend about getting drunk and love, he stops responding once we move from drunkenness to love

a woman i sort of loved
got married this weekend,
so i wrote her a poem.
i will send it to her today
in an email

she lived with me
when she was 21
and i was maybe 31.
she dated guys who
i thought were blowhards
and she was in love with me
and wanted to have sex with me
but we never did

i have been
sort of in love
with many women,
and many of them
have sort of loved me
back

many more
have not loved me
at all

some of the women
i thought i loved,
i actually did not.
i probably don’t actually
love this woman,
the one just married,
only wanted her
body and wanted her
soul and she never gave me
either

i am presently unsure
what it feels like
to love someone
without wanting anything
from them.
i am hopeful
to someday
feel this

for and from
others.
for and from
myself